When it’s clear skies and I know the sunset will be amazing, I try to take one photo of it, and enjoy the rest of it myself. It’s the most beautiful thing I get to witness in my days.
I have lived in my hometown for five years now. And any where else I’ve been, and lived, and watched the sunset, the sunset in my hometown are the best ones I’ve ever seen.
There is just something so surreal and so calming during sunset. I think, “do I really get to witness this?,” even though I know the sun sets everywhere, and it is not only for my eyes.
But, I need to tell you… that when I think that, is because five years ago, I did not want to live.
It was a tough time but I was back home. It’s where I wanted to be. So why was I so depressed?
I still don’t know.
It’s gotten better over the years. I got help, and I make art to cope. I don’t know why it still comes back… you know those thoughts? The ones where you hate yourself, and you have no idea why you deserve this kind of happiness when things are going good? Yeah, those thoughts linger in the back. A dull pain, always there.
But in the moments when I watch the sunset, they are gone. I am alive to witness this most beautiful natural thing. The sun that gives us life. I am here to witness it set.
It’s almost like a ceremony, to watch it set. A ceremony I try to witness everytime.
Although most days here are overcast and gray, I like to look back at my pictures and remember them. And sometimes, I just close my eyes and see the sunset, in all its colour and glory.
It was the best decision I made as a teen five years ago, to come back home. I could not stand the city. Could not stand so many people in one place. It drove me crazy and made me even more depressed.
When I came back home though, my depression was still there of course. It didn’t magically disappear or set with the sun but it was easier to deal with.
How could I deserve to witness such beauty? It’s not like I think only certain people should witness it. But, my low self esteem, and my depression made me think that.
But here I am.
I get to witness the sun, and the sun gets to witness me.